161109

here we have an excerpt from life of a dog that didn't make it to the publish button.

approx, 4 months ago.

and then came the storm to shatter the very foundations of your favourite dog and inject another 365 of limbo before the fog thickens and events can not be predicted.

so it has been, i believe, 187 days since last we met. apologies for my absence, as these intervening sunrises have yielded my paws unable to type with much composure.

SO where to start? summer brought real life sunshine which i and comrades chased all the way to the east, only to find out the sun sets in the west. which it did once again so recently taking with it all the warmth on the planet and inspiring an exodus to which the likes this fair town had never seen! so onwards or backwards it was to the real world and into the not so real house of vanity, where 10pm has always arrived and never leaves. but one can not complain when the root of all evil is happy.

130509

so i know i said next week last week but as was already explained weeks in the life of a dog can be ten days. try working that out with dog years of 7 to 1. but enough about that because i have been very busy and not so busy. 

so with all my companions of almost every variety having disappeared off the face of the earth i was left to rattle around in my fortress of solitude for almost a whole solid week, emerging only to buy chocolate buttons or fight crime. this was of course broken up by a few sightings of model, grr and brazil, on one occasion where our favourite serbian establishment was kept standing only by our 4 pint glasses. and on a similar day of limited achievements, i found my calling in bar billiards with porksworth and market, which did raise my score for the day before the toppling of the centre skittle brought me back to zero. at some point in the week of wonder (nothing) on some day (i have no idea if it was before or after the aforementioned events, maybe tuesday?) me, model, grr, brazil and camberwell hit the depressed arms to see tunmills and co, whereby/fore i was impressed, almost as much as a bystander who kept saying he was so. 

then the weekend not so much as sprung upon me but faded through the mist like in a movie when people who haven't for a while meet. and after cocktails with my previously mentioned companions in the latter event plus happy and minus brazil, (keep up) it was to the hub to meet there sorel, curly, dubble, bunch, kswiss, fierce, and the rest. and later on the party not only kept on going but included your favourite canine and more cider, to the former home of samaritans minus the thermometer we all knew and loved.

so sunday was spent how sundays should be spent (sans religion) with no memorable happenings and a rollover to next week. 

monday and in a bizarre coupling of central london and robin i made the short trip to see clerk, before returning for a brief visit to the bear to pick up one mousey, who after a long spell in the shire made a welcome return. 

and then of course tuesday i began to earn my bread selling drums underground, while seeing waiting for godot and still waiting myself too for one half of the decision making professional liars to post my life plans, before saturdays torture for the other half. 

sorry to be so exhaustive, quality control will return to your screens soon readers. i'll get jurassic 5 to set me straight.

more NEXT WEEK.

030509

so hello again. i know it has been several weeks since a proper post but i can assure you there is reason enough involving auditions holding my thoughts and dogs can only think about one thing at once. so to return to the rails we will be stopping only at milestones that may not even be milestones in the usual sense of the word but events i choose to regain from mother time.

so i believe we left off with my parting note before i stood with possibly the most famous bear, or marmalade eating bear we all know and love at early o clock. 150 miles or so later and me and mousey were being ever so civilised with cream tea. which was certainly a marvellous beginning to my weekend in the country, including the most relevant sports and walks around a castle etcetera. 

meanwhile or rather after in the big city i was put on trial in the only store where you are encourage to hit stuff with sticks and later lifted out of the abyss crunching many of our fellow citizens and into hibernation for 5 of 7 from 9 til 6  from 110509. 

so after a joyous weekend including lunch with the extended fam, i paid a last courtesy visit to the ironically named job centre with the good news and proud we are of all of that. then it was to the hob to say farewell to jew with ecowarrior, bunch, curly, crusader, fierce, dubble, k-swiss, belltower, flan, and others. which was lots of fun. (apologies, the only two adjectives i could think of just there were marvellous and fun. deary me)

i believe the next day was the day me and mousey made the pilgrimage back to the source of our knowing and learning to see jammy dodger and co kill some cats (it was a play in case you are worried), followed by the seasonal life admin we all have to endure that no one notices. a haircut, dear watson.

and of course yesterday was the source of all my previous distractions where i was put under the scrutiny of professional liars showing them how well i could do it too and trying to avoid small talk during the waiting to be shot. but things went to plan so far, so now we wait for my life plan to come in the post.  

very sorry to be quite so vacantly. undescriptive. but 3 weeks contained so much activity that i have forgotten alot of it. next weeks post will indeed be next week and will certainly contain backtobasics new series type writings, with events described in full as i have been advised and maybe even some profiles of characters in my life. so look out for you may be the subject. or maybe not, i don't know. check on.... thursday? or whatever. 

welcome back.

x

160409

back on sunday.

120409 easter special

so, i hear you cry, wherefore has life of a dog been? over two weeks without a proper post i'm sure has left you feeling lost and stuff, so i'll try and make this an extra bumper and cryptic post. if i don't, well, you get what you pay for. this might be long so why not have a cup of tea. although you might have finished reading by the time the kettle boils. made a decision? sitting comfortably? then i'll begin.

so we shall begin with the ever so civilised visit to what could be called pieces by eight, an art exhibition slightly above the glowing 'take courage' sign we all know and love if you live near new cross. this was then followed the next morning by a not so inspiring visit to the place where no working man sets foot for a 13 week review and an application to the other side of the desk.
my apologies for seemingly fastfowarding through events so long ago, one dog can only remember so many things. and the tape of life does all too often get chewed up by the proverbial player (time) without capturing aids such as solid film or commitment to diary.

SO suddenly the weekend was upon us even though every day is so, and it was up to the centre of the big smoke for various errands, made more pleasant by a chance encounter with a kangaroo and a rendezvous with clerkenwell. 10 points if you spotted a new character, there will be more.

forty eight hours later, to skip past a blurry saturday, and it was up to birmingham for a token visit less than a stones throw from where last your favourite blogger stayed with 3 other partners in crime. certainly a blast from the past considering the disappearance of the two that aren't mousey.

back on track with the memory banks now, the beginning of the week brought singing lesson followed by a quick hang five with jammy dodger, flowera and lbc. but with monday being busy on the phone to sunday it was time to give tuesday a long call.
up at 15 minutes before dawn, it was straight on the bus to sidcup. after a test in movement voice singing and playing and an hour waiting to be shot, this canine escaped the chop to be given the lovely gift of one months waiting.
howbeit, there was no time for fussing as robin and i hit the high road for 7 miles all the way to the ton of bricks, where to witness the musings of some clever friends i met camberwell, tunmills, sorel, model, grrrr, bruv, brazil, curly, screech, stud, various, pseacher, and special appearances from redditch and darling (who you may have seen referred to as liverpool). then of course an all too tired dog made the return journey to clock up the 14 miles and flopped straight to sleep.

so all too suddenly we were midweek and with the aid of a train and robin it was back not quite so far away but in the same direction to not quite pecknam but sort of nunhead, to yet again say an all too soon farewell to redditch and darling.
nevertheless this was soothed by the long awaited return of one mousey who had finally tired of sliding down hills.

now relax reader because the home run is just over the sunrise as we approach the present day. i promise. so thursday spins past with nothing remarkable apart from a game of spoons without the drinking element at curly's, before friday where it was back to (ladywell) said house (twice) for a birthday extravaganza (for smarrisey) with (deep breath....) curly (obviously), scotty, smarrisey, mousey, glasgow, politics, johnger, dubble, flan, belltower, cambridge, jew, bunch, and others from my favourite time of day to my favourite time of night.

so apart from an honest days work and another hangout just like the first of this post, we arrive at todays holiday and the reason for this after school/holiday special, upon which i have eaten substantial amounts of chocolicious eggs.

i do hope you feel better now, and up to speed. there will be a pop quiz when you least expect it. not really. unless.. no. no homework this week cos its been a long one. life of a dog will be back sooner than later. when does that mean? we'll see.

310309

hello hello. unfortunately blog making events are presently in future and not in the past. so today our studies fall upon two pictures of things. todays installment is two things that i use alot.

exhibit one. a banana guard. get one.


this book is a bestseller/ticket to the best party in town.
so with the mouse away hitting the slopes we shall try and find a source of money to fill the proverbial jar on top of the fridge.
much love if you joined the group. sorry for half a post not quite living up to half a post but rest assured next week shall bring literary joys aplenty.
x

270309

so, my apologies dearest reader that no fewer than eleven days have now past since our promise of not so long next time. but hey, its been a hard week. especially as weeks come half as long as they do in times of financial security, without which there is far less other types of security.

so to skip past a swift metaphorical thunderstorm for want of a better synonym (maybe even an accurate one at that) we shall begin the recollection of memories on one fine thursday, wherefore i would like you to paint a mental picture.

warm sunny thursday, eight thirty a.m. and wakey wakey rise and shine says magic fm (this, with no complaints from me, having the best signal you can buy for £2.50 at the only store you literally shop from a catalogue in). however, i want to point out here there is no epic story to follow, i just wanted you to get a feel for this nice weather we were treated to last week.
but to continue, a short while and a bus journey later and catford was the backdrop for a drop in cup of tea with the sister, before a trip to brockley ripping more cds than the subject of recent channel 4 hit red riding. which i haven't seen.

twenty four english hours later and it was the celebration of your favourite dogs one whole year betrothal to one mousey, where after a quick appearance from mint we hit the best burger establishment in town and marvellous that was.

saturday and the weekend turned up unannounced, and it was to my favourite story in peckham with mousey, politics, maths, dubble, glasgow, german, funkyhouse, temp, computer, grrr, model, camberwell, curly, flan and others to say our fond farewells to giz and cocktail. and this was certainly a wonderful story complete with a campfire and a happy ending.

so after one fourth sunday of lent for a certain parent and a jam with the famalam plus mousey, monday called and said the week was anew. and freecycle was the bearer of good news bringing not a free bike as the name might suggest but a television for the merry price of zero pence. scrumdiddlyumptious.

oh dear, as i have just had to change the title of todays post due to the overlapping of time i will summarise this week into just this: park, mousey, oxfam, videos, cv. hopefully you can get the picture of what ive done from that.

now ah ah ah before you go the bell does not mean that todays lesson is over for i have some homework for you. read 'the perks of being a wallflower'. listen to melody gardot. and watch 'mad men'. and this shall bring you eternal happiness.
also, join the group 'life of a dog' on your favourite social networking site, that will make you even more happy. and i promise, pictures when i have some good ones.

150309

so with no less than two requests on this sunnyday for an update i apologise for letting 10 whole days slip by without a whisper from your canine hero.
also, reports have been made, and i'm not naming names but i'm looking at you there at the back that life of a dog is not so understandable lest we have regular meetings with activities explained in full english. but never fear wayward travellers for i will try to write simpler. (did you get all that?)

SO presumably after last weeks post (as we shall refer to them, 10 days or not) not much happened as memory only brings us forward to tuesday, upon which i scrambled through the rain to sidcuppycup to once again be scrutinized and the receiver of smiles from professional liars. this of course was softened by the comforting appearance of hailstones, funny walk and putney (ten points if you know all of these but none lost if not). and such is the way of things when days are rainy the day was rained away (say that out loud) it was suddenly

wednesday, and me and curly were up to middle earth to find out just how many of your finest establishments were not short of staff. and i don't know about you but i remember the excuse for everything being short of staff. i wish i wanted to be a train driver.
then of course the week was too busy to stay in one place and thursday brought some sun back from the cold house of winter, and it was down to goldsmiths (where they do not make gold, despite the grand title). two posters and a clearout later and we doubled on the two for one as me, mousey, jammy dodger and flowera rode the pizza express half way home, and all the way home after a quick pit stop.

now you would think that after such a busy week and no 925 keeping me busy we would be using the fastfoward button we so often visit at these times. but no. oh no.
friday spelt b-u-sy where after a quick visit to the vets i was the subject, case in point, whatever you like for photoshoot no.1 for a friend.
this was then followed by a race to new cross on robin (i will explain just this once that robin is my two wheeled pride and joy friend) and a marvellous meeting with smokey, curly, dubble, glasgow, fierce, jammy dodger, architect, happy, brute, and more fuelled by only one pint of the very best aich-two-oh.

my my readers, i do believe so much has happened already that we may have to pause for breath. unless you read in your head? is it your voice? that'll bake your noodle.
so while we are all short on time, i will breeze through photoshoot no.2 which was all smiles and a lesson in snapping from architect and a surprise cup of tea with camberwell, sorel, model and grr. this of course all before me, mousey, mint imperial, scholar and others were jamalamming to the spinnings of the 70 or so year old dj derek and all his reggae stylings in the setting and title of your favourite film (prizes for working this out unless you know already).

so a bright light morning and walkies from brockley to home brings us to the end of todays blog. once again, my sincere apologies for too much or not enough metaphorical treats, and for a lengthy post. but a well done you for getting to the end and i will leave you with a promise of pictures next time. i always say that.
x

050309

before we start; last weeks poll turned out a 50/50 result. this together with the report from camberwell that not everyone can vote means there could be 100+ readers. way too much to think about, so, err....lets begin.

so picture this; one wednesday morning not too long after the last blog your favourite dog/human was back once again at paddington, as always, on the lookout for bears and trains. fast forward 120mins and all things brizzle were before my eyes, and i made sure to have a special eye out for unruly teenagers, supernatural beings, smackheads, politics and maths. a short walk later and politics and i were telling computerised checkouts that everything was potatoes, when later i was thrust before what one might call a common room. two cups of tea and little sleep later and it was over to see maths past what could have been any green in london.
then came the 330 o clock we all remember looking forward to, and after taking myself for walkies, politics and i were back with maths and 30 reasons why i'm not a student. this was sadly followed by more potatoes this time in the form of liquid, on to what felt like an advert break's time in a club and back to chez politics to see what we had for dinner. so on to friday and a shaky bus/train ride plus a promise to my canine liver of never again and it was back to mousey and some peanut butter to soothe the wounds.

forgive my forgetting all other connectives commonly used in storytelling apart from so, then and before dear readers, these times do inspire a mind crunch among some.

a time check; this brings us to 280209 and another weekend popping up unannounced with me, mousey, model, grrr, sorel, camberwell, and brazil going to deepest darkest wimbledon to bid farewell to sir.

onwards and upwards said the cat, which i barked at and later wished i'd listened as we come (in 6 minutes) to friday and another week lost down the proverbial back of the sofa. this of course being that plans may have been laid for grand results, thought this is yet to be seen.
ask for me tomorrow and you shall find me a free man.
until next we meet, scholars. reports on my desk by 9am.

230209

i was going to start this post with a grand 'spring cometh' but no. march 20th apparently? i think maybe in the land before blogs/fossil fuels/time seasons started bang on time. 

i know also that i said i would post every week but hey, you get what you pay for.

SO picking up from many moons ago i can only really remember the past week, or what it says on my calendar. oh my canine memory fails me. so we will begin with 160209 which contained nothing but a trip back to the dole office but this time with no line waiting. 24 hours later and it was tuesday where bus diversions plus a model with no timekeeping skills made a day into an hour.

next was to the station where my 2 lonely coins were swallowed and you favourite dog went ticketless with the talking circle saying it was ok, only straight into £20 of injustice and a back row seat on the waterfront. this will lead to collie vs southeastern round 1, results of which i will inform thee whence this occurs.

wednesday and i was in oval, and after a quick thou knows't this and i tell thee that and your favourite dog was now ready for acting. an agency, watson. this was shortly followed by amersham with camberwell, mousey and greenwich where 2 for 695 was the deal and plenty was the order. 

thursday brought nothing i can remember followed by pete postlethwaite as our favourite shakespearean king with the fam, and a phone call from pepsi with an early call of 720 at slough.

while the answer should have been no, bang and it was 520 and your favourite canine blogger was en route to slough via paddington calling at everywhere but breakfast. then of course was 9 hours of waiting with what turned out to be 4 very nice people, 5 strange and one person with a brain made of playdoh. 5 hours of filming and travelling and new x was again the word, where liverpool made a very special appearance that i was all too late for once again, along with kangaroo, grrr, model, happy, police, various, sorel and mousey. 

so a quiet weekend brought curly back from skiing (weeks after greenwich was the alps) and after a quick drink with grrr and the former it was sunday and me and mousey were with simon amstell and 16 and 1/2 other couples checking out some work in progress. 

very sorry this post made no sense. if you want to see more or less metaphorical writing, put it on a postcard to the usual address. or any other comments. 

now there are 5 readers to my knowledge (curly, politics, cocktail, mousey, sheffield) but i want to know how many, so i have included a poll. would you like to see blog titles or just dates as before? i probably wont listen but vote if you read to the end. so i can see how many and if i should start charging/publishing in hardback. 

100209

so i know i said i would post every week but snow day is no real day and thats what last week started like if you live anywhere. course me curly, feline and the rest caught the beginnings of the almost spring wonderland in lewisham wherefrom i was dusted like a cake underneath a bus stop. this was followed by our own version of 'the hills' (is that an american teen sitcom? not sure) only ours was about sliding down snow on stuff like a box for a bin that i found. and greenwich park surely walked all over catford and wherever you were.

so that was cold and your favourite blogdog built a snowman. but the cold stopped me building a snow dog. then came tuesday which was much the same as monday but plus mousey and jammy dodger, more cups of tea and a fast forward to...

wednesday when after saying my full address 4 times i was lying upon the bed giving something back (blood). exactly 470ml in 5 minutes and 47 seconds. needle stung but i thought of something else and it was okay cos dogs can only think of one thing at a time.

this followed by the pub with mousey and model brought quickly along friday and then friday evening and then friday night where for the first time in 2009 me, mousey, model, grrr, camberwell, brazil, and french were not panicking but roxying all the same, until 3am! impressed? 

so saturday spelt portobello and the market with everything and nothing before oh my this post is eventful and i hopskipped over to broca for jamz with kangaroo, curly, liverpool, jammy dodger, flower, uncle jack, various, hetttttttttttie, loo, trumpetface, bauke, mauke, not a bad lost peasant and others which was sikbruhtruss. this of course being slang for good. and made all the better by a real life cryptic crossword.

lazy sunday then started with the phone coversation with the least decisions made per sentence ever and a quick jump to monday with rainy time, brownies and a ticket to ride europe. the board game. so that's done! 

in other news, i'm a financial genius.

find me a job please. you can have a brownie if you eat all of your tea.

x

290109

oh woe is woe is me and everyone else in these credit crunch times. maybe when this is all over we can have a novelty budget cereal called credit crunch. no?

this travesty hit full force when me and curly took a trip down to the museum of maritime in the bit of greenwich soon to be filled with horses (apparently not racing as i thought). and apparently being a gallery assistant is the best job in the world as there were 400 of your best businessman clamouring after 20 jobs. but maybe this was a blessing in disguise as your canine blogger may soon be bounding up and down the aisles of exam rooms as none other than an invig-i-la-tor. this probably won't really happen though.

other activities in the past week have included that old 2for1 pizzaexpress that everyone has done, swimming (in preparation for a lifeguard course. honestly.) and days going by faster than you can say i don't even know what day it is today.

so with mousey in btown and some of the gang in amberland plans for the weekend include the pub, twice. this of course all in anticipation of giving blood on wednesday. how you ask?

i think they will just ignore the dog thing and go straight in with the prick on the paw (to check iron levels) and then i will give the weirdest pint i have ever bought anyone.

also, (yes, this is worthy of a new paragraph) since finding out i have atleast 3 regular readers i will start writing this every week. and do tell me if you read! and i will have a job by next week.

collie x

210109

considering how little your favourite dog has been doing these days i really should blog more. there is literally nothing else to do. definitely gonna remember how driven inside everyone is by the cold when we all get that yearning for the opposite season in deepest summer/winter.

so, a round up; since my last post mulled wine and hot spicy cider has been the way of things, not in an alcoholic way but making me sweet for £10 an hour and off the dole. this all before the owner has been jetsetting for a month of course, so back to the fortnightly shame including being made to stand outside in the rain because i was 5 minutes early. 

in other news with doors closing left and right i still have a burning urge to bark at the thought of a certain two people, perhaps reading this, perhaps because maybe it is so easy to forget people after a year of closeness for lucky and sticksy?

on a lighter note, seeing the words appear with a question mark did conjure up the image of carrie from satc (or sitc as you might think) writing her column. i haven't watched it, just heard about it...

apologies for the lack of form but metaphors require inspiration of which my all too familiar home offers none. i'm taking myself for walkies but check back here in a week and there will be another post with all the metaphors and exciting stories you can possibly imagine. with pictures. x